But this is where the misogynoir comes in. Men can't say, "only a man can raise a boy into a man" and then blame mama for all of his problems when the underlying belief was that it wasn't her job to raise him in the first place. Black women can only give what they have to give and what they were given. Perhaps many of these mothers did not get that nurturing themselves so they do not know how to model it. Many Black girls are forced into a form of adulthood by age 10 cooking and caring for younger siblings, this doesn't create a nurturer, it creates stress, and adult problems in childhood. Also, Black girls have a higher rate of childhood sexual abuse compared to any other race (or gender), it mostly goes unreported, and the victim is oftentimes the one scolded by her own community. As a survivor of CSA, I can say that intimacy with men is often complicated as a result. Some of these mothers are dealing with this trauma, silently. It is hard to be nurturing when a good part of you is ruled by fear. So, it is not an intentional "betrayal." The betrayal happened a long time before she gave birth. We look to TV to give us these examples of what a nurturing mother should be, but we also tend to detach that from the legacy of slavery in this country. Black mothers were pulled from their children to care for the children of their owners. Their children were sold away. This generational trauma has persisted for hundreds of years and some retain that detachment in order to survive. Some of us are that nurturing mother. I know I am. But I cannot parent every child. Ultimately, we have to give Black women some slack and stop holding them up to a standard that, as a community, we refuse to also hold Black men to. It is not making us, as Black people, stronger. It is only inflicting more harm.